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Got to let go and look forward
This will be a sloppy joe post…methinks. Partially because I had originally wanted to flush out the details more, until my struggles trying to edit and convert a MP4 video format bested me in battle after wasted hours, and also because I realized that if I thought about this subject any longer, I would be drinking lots of wine, or wax philosophical on it for years.
Thus, I will say just enough that it skims the surface of my mind and gets the idea across. I think it will be more concise.
One of the issues that I have been working through over the years of my life, and slowly coming to terms with now, is relinquishing my childhood talents to the greater web of nature…and to those who became masters of the craft.
As a child, I was one of many talents. My parents signed me up for many forms of education and enrichment, and (because I was a child so I feel justified to brag a bit about my child self) I was multi-talented, the best at all I did. I could have become a concert pianist, I could have become a competitive judo fighter, I could have become an artist, I could have become a scientist, a mathematician, a photographer…a performer.
When I was in high school, the first time my grades fell to third in the class, I broke down and cried. The ever constant works of my teachers were, “Miroki, you cannot be the best at everything…” and “There is always someone better than you out there…”
Over the years of my educational and professional life, I heard, read and learned a series of phrases and mantras that speak about how when three people walk the same path, each one knows something the other doesn’t (Confucius), one must practice 10 000 hours before mastering their craft (Gladwell), I need to let someone else be better than me for once instead of freaking out (my beloved friends). Eventually, I allowed myself some slack…Obviously, university made me come to terms with myself more, considering its concepts of a MAJOR study, and as I got too busy for continuing my studies in certain subjects such as piano, I knew that they had moved themselves in the realm of extra curricular.
Here's one thing I know...the more baggage I let go of my life, the more weight I let go of my body too...one thing I've realized about myself is that my physical self is a reflection of my spiritual self...
Yet, I refused to shake them off completely, making goals to myself that I would tackle those activities again someday in a more professional level. My business name, Jacques of Trades, and the self-same title for myself in my blog (JoT – aka Jacques of Trades) is a clear indication that I have not completely shed that mantle of desiring to master everything.
But I need to start letting go.
The hardest is when I walk past a photography exhibit, and think, “Huh…I have something like that on my computer…” or tagging along with my artist friends to meet their idols, and try to strike up some sort of productive conversation. Sometimes, even the the art of balancing the few career branches I have is difficult. Do I even have enough time for my music? My writing? My holistic healing?
While swimming in the pool, trying to soothe my fried nerves and cool my poor little damaged soul (for those who read my blog on Defeat/Failure last week, you know why), I started to truly, and I mean truly, understanding that I cannot try to do it all. If I don’t die in the process…I probably will not be very great at anything in the end. I think feeling that sense of failure from circus training triggered me on the beginning of this journey.
And so…while Jacques of Trades is still my trademark and mantle…and still very much part of my identity…nevertheless, it’s also time to let go of being a jack ofall trades…
We all have something to let go of…what is yours?
JoT - The Bric-a-Bracs of a "Jacques of Trades" 