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Trying to maintain a form of grace amidst the pains
Keeping regular updates are extremely difficult when I’m on tour…working 17 hour days. And then the brief two or three days I have off are filled with circus training, other work and attempts to rest. Therefore, now that I have been graced with a PlayBook…and finally figured out how to use it in a semi workable fashion, I am undergoing the challenge of updating in between dances at my emcee work. You heard me, I am doing crazy multitasking. As if I am not making things tough enough for myself already… Result? I already threw numerous tantrums over the past weeks.
Part of me wants to put the last couple weeks of my 90 day challenge on hold until I finish this gig…because my physical body, if nothing else (and there are obviously other things) is being affected despite my best efforts. I sit on my bum for hours on end, don’t eat my regular diet, don’t sleep enough, and I am stressed stressed stressed! I look in the mirror, and I feel ashamed. I feel frightened that my body will revert back to its old shape, having once been so comfortable in it, just like all other times. Working on the idea of acceptance is much harder amidst the slim and toned figures of dancers and also my circus colleagues. What has helped me make it easier, is knowing that everyone has something they are self conscious of. Furthermore, in the words of a colleague and friend, nothing is more beautiful than seeing the confidence of a larger girl rock them short shorts on the stage of this dance competition. That power is one in a million, and declares all bodies are beautiful when they are respected and cared for, and can dance with the presence of a goddess.
But as someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and used to communicating about all emotions and issues, I have been feeling smothered by this current set of situations. My work environment is tough, my relationships are tough, my circus is tough, and finally, finding the strength and staying present despite it all is tough. Devastatingly, I already have fallen below the line and acted like a raging tween in moments of weakness. Funnily, I then got more upset because I knew how immature it was, and that others witnessed it (“I am NEVER like this!!!” I exclaimed in rage to a fellow colleague after a cry, “I’m usually the blunt one! I’m the leader! $?@#!!!”), further perpetrating my public demise.
Body rebelling a bit here…but it’s from the mind
Damage done, I can only leave those pieces behind like discarded snake skin, and move on. What I realize, and I encourage you all to hear me, that no amount of words will ever fix what has happened. In fact, it often comes off like excuses, or a crutch. Last thing anyone wants to be considered as, is one who “talks the talk, but doesn’t walk the walk. ”
It’s a challenge. Many of us, and certainly I, are victims of the spotlight effect, where we think everyone is laughing at us behind our backs, judging our unwashed hair, or strategically leaving us out of activities. Oftentimes, they are merely fictions of our own mind. And if not, do we frankly want a fulfilling relationship with them anyway? Easier said than done, but from my same colleague with whom I’m working, we need to learn sometimes to put that temporary wall up to protect ourselves, and brush off our own personal issues. It is the ultimate demonstration of our professionalism. And also from her, “believe only half of what you see, and none of what you hear.” Brilliant words.
Not to say it is simple. Even she has had really huge moments of struggle, and I have seen her tough times, but in offering words of advice, it helps us to remember those practices ourselves.
I cannot undo what I have done, but in the practice of acceptance, I will not continue to mope over it. Carrying the burden will only lead to a bleaker future. In the practice of being present, I will stop creating stories, and focus on my own self and my duties versus a reflection of myself through reading everyone else around me. I remember my qualifications, my talent, my strength. If people do not believe me (either from my past or, sadly, because they are judgmental and demeaning), I will demonstrate it. I will show that I am better than my demons, and also can change for the better. Actions are more powerful than a thousand empty words, no matter how well meaning. Let the world see that I can stand taller despite my past, despite my priors, and that I am definitely someone people should keep an eye out for. There will be a spotlight on me, but this time it is on my terms, and I will welcome it.
Last 90 Day Transformation Entry
Got to let go and look forward
This will be a sloppy joe post…methinks. Partially because I had originally wanted to flush out the details more, until my struggles trying to edit and convert a MP4 video format bested me in battle after wasted hours, and also because I realized that if I thought about this subject any longer, I would be drinking lots of wine, or wax philosophical on it for years.
Thus, I will say just enough that it skims the surface of my mind and gets the idea across. I think it will be more concise.
One of the issues that I have been working through over the years of my life, and slowly coming to terms with now, is relinquishing my childhood talents to the greater web of nature…and to those who became masters of the craft.
As a child, I was one of many talents. My parents signed me up for many forms of education and enrichment, and (because I was a child so I feel justified to brag a bit about my child self) I was multi-talented, the best at all I did. I could have become a concert pianist, I could have become a competitive judo fighter, I could have become an artist, I could have become a scientist, a mathematician, a photographer…a performer.
When I was in high school, the first time my grades fell to third in the class, I broke down and cried. The ever constant works of my teachers were, “Miroki, you cannot be the best at everything…” and “There is always someone better than you out there…”
Over the years of my educational and professional life, I heard, read and learned a series of phrases and mantras that speak about how when three people walk the same path, each one knows something the other doesn’t (Confucius), one must practice 10 000 hours before mastering their craft (Gladwell), I need to let someone else be better than me for once instead of freaking out (my beloved friends). Eventually, I allowed myself some slack…Obviously, university made me come to terms with myself more, considering its concepts of a MAJOR study, and as I got too busy for continuing my studies in certain subjects such as piano, I knew that they had moved themselves in the realm of extra curricular.
Here's one thing I know...the more baggage I let go of my life, the more weight I let go of my body too...one thing I've realized about myself is that my physical self is a reflection of my spiritual self...
Yet, I refused to shake them off completely, making goals to myself that I would tackle those activities again someday in a more professional level. My business name, Jacques of Trades, and the self-same title for myself in my blog (JoT – aka Jacques of Trades) is a clear indication that I have not completely shed that mantle of desiring to master everything.
But I need to start letting go.
The hardest is when I walk past a photography exhibit, and think, “Huh…I have something like that on my computer…” or tagging along with my artist friends to meet their idols, and try to strike up some sort of productive conversation. Sometimes, even the the art of balancing the few career branches I have is difficult. Do I even have enough time for my music? My writing? My holistic healing?
While swimming in the pool, trying to soothe my fried nerves and cool my poor little damaged soul (for those who read my blog on Defeat/Failure last week, you know why), I started to truly, and I mean truly, understanding that I cannot try to do it all. If I don’t die in the process…I probably will not be very great at anything in the end. I think feeling that sense of failure from circus training triggered me on the beginning of this journey.
And so…while Jacques of Trades is still my trademark and mantle…and still very much part of my identity…nevertheless, it’s also time to let go of being a jack ofall trades…
We all have something to let go of…what is yours?
Last Week’s Entry:
Climbing the toadstool rocks of Iceland...no there was no easy way up there! Yes, we can do anything we set our minds to!
Strangest thing…I had been planning my next post all of last week…and now I cannot remember for the life of me what had I wanted to write about. Why? Because a new thought wormed its way into my mind earlier this week, and has prevailed there for the last few days, growing in strength until I decided I would write on it…or vent on it, however it exits my brain through my fingers.
Sometimes, our worst enemies is ourselves. We are our own obstacles in the journey towards success, greatness, happiness…etc. We are creatures of comfort, and we don’t like change. In fact, I think we actively resist change because it may turn our world upside down. We are not the strongest creatures of this planet, and so we do whatever we can to survive. And when there’s change, I guess we read it as a risky situation where we may not survive. When the first scientists suggested that the Earth was round, the concept was laughable. The recent idea that cow’s milk actually does not provide calcium for the body, and is in fact not very good for consumption, met with fire. It still is under fire.
You get the idea.
This past week, I have been looking at myself, and where I want to go. I also have been talking with many people regarding success in life. What conclusions I drew from both my own reflections and my interactions with others, is that the reason why many of us live an eternally gray life, and a life with many wishes but very little accomplishment, is because we are afraid to step forward and take the plunge.
I want to be slimmer, but I think I have held onto greater weight for so long, that it doesn’t want to let it go. Someone wants to make money, but when offered a promising position that is different from their regular jobs, they declare that they don’t have the time to train. Someone is extremely ill, but when offered something safe that will help, say they would rather stick to only what the doctor prescribed. Someone has a very unhappy home life, but will not leave even though they are financially stable enough to. Someone wants to move forward in life, but keeps reattaching him/herself to past affiliations that have never brought forth anything positive.
These are the stories that I have seen circulating my life. And after metaphorically smacking my head into the table, I decided that I would rather write it about to impart my opinion on this issue. Healthier than head smacking.
To be successful, we have to be receptive. To be successful, we have to be innovative. To be successful, we have to look forward. If we keep looking backward, we will never see the plethora of opportunities that always open up before us. I remember once reading that opportunities present themselves to everyone all the time. Those who are successful, are the ones who recognize them and grab onto them. We cannot do that if we are always hanging onto the past.
Quoting a passage I’ve been reading from a book by Napoleon Hill, “That is one of the tricks of opportunity. It has a sly habit of slipping in by the back door, and often comes disguised in the form of misfortune, or temporary defeat. Perhaps this is why so many fail to recognize opportunity.”
Don’t let that happen to you. Allow me to share a quick story of a recent happening.
I don't think I even talked about the body this week! Oh well! Here is the progress! :3
Because I had left my job at the health food store, and spending more time as a film actor (fantastic, but not yet money making), I knew that I needed to look for a new job in Toronto. In the last few weeks, I had been slapping resumes down at coffee shops, stores and anything else that would help cover my increasing bills. One particular job I kept hounding was the 5am task job shift at Chapters. I called, applied online, applied in-store, and called the store numerous times with the hope of getting an interview. Between the manager always never being in the store, going away twice and not returning my messages, I was desolate, yet remaining every stubborn to conquer the position.
Then one day, as I was lamenting my situation to a friend, she said to me, “Have you checked Work in Culture lately?”
I shook my head, telling her that while it was a great website offering jobs in arts and culture (and I recommend that anyone wanting to work in the arts to use it!), they were often admin positions that took up too much of my time to perform.
Yet, that night, I decided to take a look anyway. I scrolled through the typical positions of “Volunteer Coordinator”, “Marketing Manger”, “Receptionist” and suddenly a position said, “Host/Announcer”. Now…while not typical to film acting, stage acting or voice acting, I thought that this was something that I could sink my teeth into. Being a host or announcer has its own challenges as a performer, including thinking on one’s feet, improvising and interacting with an audience. I decided to submit.
Within one day, I interviewed/auditioned and landed the position. I will now be on tour with the company for 2 months, all expenses paid, salary and bonus for working multiple shows. And just when I was beginning to feel the sinking feeling of being broke…who knew?
Sometimes, we need to break out of the boxes that we place ourselves into. Whether it is our opinion of ourselves, what we think our skills are, or what we think is the direction we should take for our careers. Let’s all break out of the fog. Change is frightening, I know. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Then do it anyway.
Don’t forget to check on the past entries of my journey:
A week flies by so fast! I am already taking my week 3 photos this Thursday and I don’t even have my week 2 photos up yet! And so without due, I am rapidly putting them up to show you the comparison.
The changes are more obvious in the actual photo…but as you have read in my previous post, I’m a little too self conscious to show myself running around in my birthday suit. I certainly have less fluff around my middle in week 2, although I wonder if it’s because I’m less bloated. During week 1, I was enjoying that special time of the month that is reserved for females only, which turned me into a bit of a balloon. Not to say that I’m not losing fat, but I think it will become more apparent over the following weeks (I hope!).
Ack! Eek!
The thing I am struggling with the most right now is seeing only little changes every week. I realize that as I get older, the faster I want to lose weight. When I first started trimming down in my youth after a year of depression, even doing competitive martial arts it took 3 months to drop about 15-20 pounds. Now, I expect myself to drop 10 in less than a month, which is ridiculous in some sense unless I train 8 hours a day. It probably contributed to why my weight yoyoed so much over the past year. I would restrict my diet to ridiculous standards and exercise a ton, and then the moment I treated myself, it was like “BLAM!” binge binge binge cause the body was screeching at me. If I had to be dead honest with myself, I might have been bordering on bulimia…and that is an awareness of myself that I am devastated to admit.
I always prided myself on my strength, and how fit I was…and my weight gain last year made me feel ashamed, because how can I possibly prove that I am a fit and strong woman when I looked like a couch potato? I also attach many stigmas to how I look when I’m overweight (“Oh, of course she’s a geek/nerd, look how fat she is” or “Fat Asian girl=super unattractive”), which is awful because these thoughts are clearly products of media and society’s pressure. Nobody should ever feel that way. I always preach against it, and yet I made myself a victim of it.
So a shoutout to everyone who is reading: It’s super hard, I know, but NEVER judge yourself based on how you want social norms to see you. Change if you…YOU…are truly unhappy with something, but not because you feel unhappy because of how SOMEONE ELSE sees you.
I am currently making the effort to change because I want to feel healthier, and because I personally want to return to a level of fitness that I used to represent. I also want to train my body to eat when I actually need to eat, and not pig out just because I am stressed or because I like the food. I am still battling the “outside voice”, and I know it will always be present in my life especially given the industry I work in, but I try not to make it the prominent reason why I want to become trimmer. As I roughly paraphrase Geneen Roth (and she’s brilliant!), losing weight will not solve life’s problems.
Speaking of stress, it seems like I cannot make a transformation in my career without suddenly making myself ten trillion times busier! Upping the number of auditions I get, the number of places I volunteer at, the number of networking events I attend, the number of one-on-one meetings I set up. Suddenly, I can’t get my ideal 8 hours of sleep…I am not eating on time, and I am on the go go go.
I still practice mindfulness as I go through the day, and other things like yoga…but enter supplements! Almost every supplement I take is some sort of brain booster or stress reliever…adrenal drops, magnesium, B-complex vitamins, liver care…to name a few. When my body and brain is going through so much, it needs the extra help. Regardless of how healthy I eat, stress depletes many of the major nutrients in the body. My sister is concerned that I should not be relying on supplementation to manage my stress, and should cut back and dedicate more time to rest.
The struggle is choosing how to balance out my life. Do I want to work less, and therefore slow my career growth in favour of resting more to manage my stress…or do I want to work hard and have external aid (aka supplements) to manage my stress. Either way, the end result is about the same, my body achieves a stable state. Obviously, there are many more factors, but I’ve broken down the bare bones. What do you think?
After annoying my family with my picky eating habits and know-it-all facts at the dinner table, tearing my hair out at parties, driving waiters and chefs crazy at restaurants, it is the end. Two weeks of community detox is effectively over, at least the iron clad rules of it are finished. As for my new lifestyle, this detox is only the beginning.
I think the most difficult part of the challenge was maintaining a balanced diet. There actually are an incredible amount of treats available while on a detox – nuts, Larabars, Vega bars, coconut macaroons, raw chocolate pudding to name a few. Nuts are the worst; with their small shapes and tastiness, they were like the french fries of healthy food. Only near the end of my second week did I learn that I’m only supposed to have about one handful a day (thanks “Skinny Bitch”). I certainly had more. Now, I am more aware of what nut overdose is so I am keeping the portions closer to one handful – including Larabars (dang).
I did have my cheat days, as I have admitted. The good thing is, those junk foods certainly do not taste as good as they do in my head anymore. And even if they did taste good, the aftermath was rather devastating. Days of bloating, terrible gas and just a general ill feeling. Those symptoms are certainly enough to help avoid these “treats” in the future, which I definitely need when it comes to drinking. The one thing this detox has not eliminated is the cravings of beer and wine. Even today I nearly celebrated with a beer after smelling it from the drinks of friends. I am doing everything within my will to only have it on special occasions, and not as a casual thing. I know it will be better for my health in the long run. I just try to remember the bloating I had from the one beer I drank during the detox. Hopefully rationale will triumph over emotions/cravings.
Rest. I think the biggest downfall of the detox for me is my lack of sleep and high stress. I don’t think my body was able to shed toxins at its full potential because its defense mechanisms were on and holding onto everything to protect my body, even if it is toxins. I’m considering a full fast to detox my body in the next weeks, perhaps in that short period I’ll be able to listen to my needs.
Did it feel like a chore? No, not really. I had more rules in place, but I also have been trying to eat like this for a long time; as a result, I was a little more used to the diet. I guess I’m fortunate in not having to make such a huge transition. Now that I’m done, will I just go back to my old habits? Of course not! The purpose of this detox is not just a two week “task”, but rather an introduction to a new lifestyle. Even Vibrant Living (the organizers of this event) has a follow up email detailing how to slowly reintroduce old foods back into my life, and encouraging us to take note of any effects it has on the body. Like I said before, they may not even be enjoyable anymore. I just like getting my soy back. For vegans, it’s a staple protein.
I said in my first post about the detox that this was a good way to slowly ease me into the transition of going raw, and unavoidably, vegan. Even now, I am still researching this particular diet and determining its pros and cons. I do acknowledge that raw food is a livelier food, which is in general healthier. When I look at cooked vegetables now, I actually don’t even see them as appetizing; they look wilted and dead. Being vegan is also partially because of my new perspective/knowledge on slaughterhouses, hormones, chemicals and whatever else that destroys what we eat. I still crave meat, but when certain images float into my head, I am able to resist. I know I cannot change the world, but I can do my own part.
My belief is that in going raw or vegan, a balanced way is to go about 75-90%. The last thing I want to do is crash, be so hardcore as to inconvenience everyone, or deny myself certain nutrients (I know vegans lack B12 for one thing). Most research I’ve done suggests this, and I think it’s fair. There’s no need to be extremist about it. After all, I do like meat… And I, of course, will continue to research until I have satisfactory answers. Stay tuned.
My body is ready for a change to improve my health, and I think I’m finally strong enough to tackle this challenge…wish me luck.
It definitely has been more of a down day in terms of cheating on the detox. I’m extremely exhausted, had a long drive back to Kitchener from Toronto, the house is a wreck with all the renovators running about…I am stuffed with nuts, nut butter, and whatever else detox friendly items that are not good for you in large amounts. Woot.
But I’ve talked about that old hat already. Today was a day of tasting some flavours that I have drummed out during the detox as a consequence of eating out and well…stress snacking/tasting.
It’s simply amazing how much our palates become more sensitive to subtle tastes after we clean our bodies of all those toxins, which are usually part of extremely sweet or savory foods. We learn to love vegetables and fruit again. I actually get pretty offended when someone looks at my salad and comments, “That’s so bland” or “That’s rabbit food”. There is actually a ton of flavour in things like a bell pepper, various greens or even in oils. We really don’t need crazy amounts of salt to flavour our food. Trust me on this.
Today I had Japanese for lunch, where I ordered a green salad, seaweed salad and some sashimi. Both salads came with a rice vinegar, which I knew had some added sugar. I decided it was alright since it was only in the dressing…until I ate the salads. I could not believe they were the same salads I had there a month ago. They were SO ridiculously sweet. To make it worse, the sugar induced a crash very soon afterward.
Later that night, I saw a tasty looking dish of sauteed onions and pan fried pork strips that my mother had made sitting on the table. I loved sauteed onions so I picked one (yes, one little itty bitty strip) up and popped it in my mouth. I did not expect the following reaction of burning on my tongue it was so salty. My mother puts very little salt into her food, but combined with the natural salts from meat…I was a goner. I had to rush to get water the taste was so foul. I feel somewhat saddened by what used to seem like such a tasty dish has now gone bad on me, but I think that will also help tighten my resolve to stay on track in the future.
So for anyone thinking that detoxing, salads, raw foods or whatever is considered boring, think again. There is a plethora of beautiful, fresh tastes just waiting for your clean and squeaky taste buds!
Because of my blurb on headshots yesterday, I bypassed writing about my detox experience. Not to worry though, because today was very similar to yesterday.
Being on the run all day is extremely difficult while staying on track for detoxing. This past week I’ve had the fortune of making it home in time for my 3 major meals, but today and yesterday I was out of the house post breakfast. Now, unless you carry a backpack, giant canvas bag or feel like holding an extra lunch bag, I doubt that packing a lunch is very easy. So I opted to pack many small snacks in an attempt to stave off hunger until I had the chance for a late lunch.
Normally, snacks are a perfectly healthy way to manage hunger in-between meals. Popular options include: Larabars, Vega bars, raw nuts, veggie sticks, and fruit. However, outside of the veg and fruit, the others are healthy only in moderation (aka ONE serving per snack). If I’m trying to snack through lunch, one portion of nuts or a Larabar isn’t enough, and vegetables and fruit are not size friendly enough in large amounts (can you imagine 3 apples? a stalk of broccoli?). And so I’m caught between eating more fatty items to stave off hunger, or packing larger items in an attempt to stay healthy. I suppose buying from a local grocery is also an option, but how many of us always have that kind of money?
So what can we do to make this work? My first tip is to eat slowly. It takes a bit of effort. We are so used to being on the go that stuffing our faces has become automatic. Also, somewhere in our bodies we are wired to snatch up food and consume it quickly; it’s a survival instinct. By eating one almond every 5 minutes we are actively fighting that. Drink lots of water. It helps to expand the fibrous nuts and fills you up quicker. Furthermore, hunger/cravings are often stimulated by dehydration. Drinking water will help curb that.
While we are working on eating slowly, space out snacks over every 1-2 hours (longer hours for the more hearty snacks like a Larabar). Let’s look at what I packed today and how I consumed it:
Snack Schedule
Vega bar – eaten three hours after breakfast at 12pm
10 Almonds – ate one every time I felt hungry over the next 2 hours (I only ate 5, the other 5 I gave to my friend)
Raw coconut lemon macaroon – gnawed slowly at around 1pm
Apple – Ate at 2:30pm
With these snacks I was able to last until 5pm without additional food and without lunch. Now, I would suggest getting some greens in the next meal because usually lunch is the time for a large salad.
Now, to list some small sins and potential problems of mine in this last while…
I had my one alcoholic indulgence yesterday. I said I was allowed a maximum of two drinks once a week, but I was hoping to avoid it. I ate out yesterday and it’s really hard to resist good wine at a nice restaurant. But I’ve only had one glass and won’t have another despite my 2 max. My small justification is that a glass of red is good for you.
Today, I had avocado in my salad and also experimented with drinking coconut milk. Now, I know they say coconut’s high saturated medium-chain fats are actually really good for you and your metabolism, but I’m still feeling nervous about that many fats from those two fruits (or nuts) in my body. I guess tomorrow will determine whether I overdid it or not. I have been taught that in detoxing and/or eating vegan/raw, there is an unlearning that I have to undergo regarding the correlation between food and weight loss. A fattier or heavier food may not make you fat; in fact, it may speed weight loss (especially if that detail about coconut milk being a natural laxative is true). Again, we will see.
Dun dun dun…
Physical soreness, days of hot yoga and other exercise catching up to my muscles, exhaustion, stress…all just spells the recipe for disaster to staying on track for a detox.
One of the first things they tell you when starting a detox is to get adequate rest and reduce stress levels. Otherwise, your body doesn’t have energy to cleanse itself – it’s spending it all trying to make you survive the day. When you’re sleeping, the liver is cleaning itself, the body is absorbing all the nutrients that it has taken in during the day. Now, if I’m not sleeping enough, when is my body doing that? Certainly not during the day. During the day it’s working to keep me alert, moving, digesting food, etc. That’s more than enough work for it already!
Let’s tack stress on top of it. My body is trying to cope with the overload my brain is feeling, and going into defense mode to cope, which by nature is to store fats and lower metabolism (think preparing for a harsh winter). Sounds perfect for a detox huh? My body is actively fighting it!
Of course, when I’m sapping my body of all this energy, then no matter how well I’m treating it, it’s still going to have energy lows and demand sugar spikes.
Fortunately, I carry apples, nuts, Larabars, coconut macaroons, and whatever else in my purse so that I don’t end up buying something unhealthy.
Unfortunately? After eating those tasty treats, I still want more. Remember my last post about cheating on a detox? This would be called cheating. Those treats are healthy, sure, but too many Larabars, nuts, coconut or other detox indulgences will do the same thing as any indulgences will over time. Curses.
And then there is the power of media. And there’s no escaping the media in a place like downtown Toronto…billboards everywhere, outdoor TV, flyers, posters, transit ads. It’s a junk mail overload. The smells of bakery, of BBQ or whatever else when walking past an open patio restaurant does not aid matters. And then, being an artist, I had to pick up this week’s copy of NOW magazine. Figures that there would be a restaurant guide and review too. I am a self-titled food connoisseur. Just reading the recommendations alone has me immediately thinking about when I will try the place myself and the succulent dishes. And then I realize that I’m detoxing…anger!
You know that tip about cravings? Identify whether you’re just craving it or are actually hungry. Do not eat if you aren’t hungry. Tell yourself that you don’t need it, and you’ll feel better for it. This is a useless tip. When we’re truly tired and craving something gross, we totally disregard any rationale we have for health. Kudos to those who can follow this tip, because I know from experience that I can’t.
So if that can’t help us, what can? For me, the answer has become obvious: Education. Just reciting a mantra cannot encourage me enough. I need to see all the underlying layers before I can turn myself off a craving; if not to turn off the craving, at least to walk away for other reasons (eg. animal rights, toxins). Let me provide an example so you see what I mean (this is a true story):
Scene 1: I smell McDonald’s. Mmm…fish burger. My guilty pleasure ultimatum. It’s just tasty fish…who cares of it’s fatty. No, it’s McDonald’s! Who cares? I do! The fish has been frozen for ages, is breaded, fried, fatty. Tons of tartar sauce. Still not enough to convince me yet. Fried oils…when in high heat releases tons of free radicals which are toxic to the body. The burger itself full of preservatives. Alright, so my cravings didn’t completely go away, but with enough of that in my mind, I was able to walk away.
Scene 2: Gelato place. YUM. Gelato made of milk…milk from cow breasts. If that isn’t enough to put me off…they are udders that get violently sucked everyday to produce the milk. Horrible. Appetite now dead. Good job. (PS. I apologize for anyone who has now lost a taste for dairy products. But on the bright side, in my opinion, milk isn’t good for you anyways. And cows will thank you. I am not trying to change anyone; this is my story, take what you will from it.)
In the end, sometimes I still don’t find myself completely believing my words. They’re just words. I can repeat my knowledge just like the cravings mantra, and still eat. That’s the problem. Education has to be accessible. And when I see a list of chemicals that I cannot read, I just jump over it and never actually absorb the importance. Today, I found myself staving off cravings more because my brain tangented into a debate of “You don’t believe what you’re saying, you need to believe what you’re saying or else the cravings don’t go away! / Ok, but how can I do that when my first reaction isn’t what I want it to be? / Think harder on the words! What are they saying?”
I worked so hard to believe my words that I eventually forgot about the food. I suppose that’s a reasonable tactic. So there you go. The next time you tell yourself the mantra craving, tack on the education, and STILL are having trouble, start having an internal conversation on why you should believe the words. Hopefully, you will have crossed the street and passed the fast food restaurant by then.
I have made it through day two. No worries! Like I once said, I have done cleanses before. However, with my mother often asking me if I want to eat (which means her homemade Mac n’ Cheese) has made it somewhat more difficult, but nevertheless I am holding out.
Or so I thought.
One thing I realized about this detox, is that unless we know enough to make the right choices on our food list, we can stay loaded with toxins by not eating enough of certain detox foods. These detox foods include fresh fruit, fresh vegetables,and legumes. These are the scrubbers that will clean our bodies. They pass through the body quickly, have loads of vitamins and minerals and fiber that will help our bodies rid itself of junk.
Now, of course our bodies need other things too. Fats, for example, help provide the fuel for your metabolism and weight loss, help your heart, aid in the absorption of nutrients and so on. Non-gluten grains is also needed for fiber, protein and other benefits. These are also the arguably more hearty, tasty options in a detox. How can we deny sandwiches, rich nutty tastes and other items that mimic our comfort food?
That is what I realized today. Before I knew it, I found myself munching on loads of puffed millet cereal with almond milk, walnuts, almonds, banana with almond butter, sweet potato with pumpkin seed butter and a Larabar, which also has almonds. My fruit intake? Outside the banana, an apple, mango and raspberries. Not too shabby. But my vegetables? Ummm…my noon salad. One large salad – the “large” is not a justification for “ONE”. Gee, no wonder I’m doing do well; I’m still indulging tons in my own special way.
Don’t get me wrong. I just said that nuts and seeds are very good for you, especially when raw. But like any fatty food, no matter how good the fats, an excess of it will only lead to a fatty body, especially when it’s replacing our nice scrubber vegetables. Even if adequate vegetables are consumed, they still should not be consumed in excess.
What is excess? Shockingly, more than we assume. Portion and packaging sizes are so huge today (and buying nuts in bulk is so appealing) that we sometimes lose sense of just what is a healthy dose. I certainly wasn’t certain myself. After a bit of research, and memories of an old health plan I followed that listed portion sizes, one serving of nuts is approximately a small handful, or 8-14 nuts. For the butters, no more than a tablespoon tops. So guiltily, I’ve had nearly 5 servings of nuts.
Does this mean I’m off the bandwagon? Of course not! “Cheating” or not, I have followed the proper restrictions, I have not put anymore junk into my body, and after tonight’s excessively difficult Hot Yoga Power Flow class (believe me, I do this class regularly…but tonight’s instructor was intense and the room was very hot), I would like to say I’m justified at least part of those servings.
Tomorrow is a new day. And I promise that it will be a green and crunchy day.
As of this first Monday of May, Waterloo Region’s Vibrant Living (vibrant-living.ca) is hosting its second annual community wide detox. It’s free, you’re only accountable to yourself, you get awesome recipes, feed good vibes, and a free hot yoga class.
Sounds great right? What I sort of don’t get, however, is that fact that each of us (including me) spend two weeks detoxing like mad and then eat cruddy for the remainder of the year. Isn’t the whole point of detoxing to improve one’s permanent lifestyle? No, wait, I do get it… there are just too many temptations out there.
So once again, I’m part of the challenge, and this year, I’m going 100%. Last year, I kept beer in my diet. No more. I am going to use this plan as a way to a better lifestyle! (I think I said this last year)
Perhaps a small back story is needed. I have detoxed many times before. I just came out of a Weight Loss Challenge. I practice hot yoga religiously and also do a variety of extreme sports. I am a veteran. However, the last two weeks I have been under extreme stress. Less than 4 hours sleep every night, black circles under eyes, new wrinkles, and the worst part? 10 pounds straight to my waistline of stress weight. When the body is stressed it retains fat as a protective response, and most stress fat is stored in the abdominal area, a place where fat isn’t supposed to go. So hello ab flub.
This detox is to help rid me of this little horror and also perhaps to help me move towards a raw food diet. Now, before I get any calls for going “hippy” or “idealist”, I am still debating on this choice and have been thinking/researching a lot on it. But I deviate, let me continue about this detox.
When I woke up this morning, I felt poisoned with all the things I put in my body. The night before I had engaged in a ridiculous amount of indulgences as a final farewell before today’s new menus. And believe me, you can really smell the toxins on one’s body (BO anyone? Toots?) When I put that green smoothie in my system (which I also mistakenly put in 2 cups of cilantro), it wreaked deathly detox havoc on my digestive tracts so much that I could have just given up right there. I had to crawl/limp my way to hot yoga and was even late for the class as a result. It was a messy day.
What do I get from all of this? Personal satisfaction for sticking it through all day. A joy for trying this path once again despite all setbacks. Sure, you get withdrawal symptoms, or nausea and discomfort like I did, but celebrate it as part of the cleaning process. It always gets worse before it gets better, and consider your detox symptoms good! It means it’s working!
Our bodies is what keeps us alive. We have to respect it…
JoT - The Bric-a-Bracs of a "Jacques of Trades" 